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My Funny Valentine: New Generation Oldies

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Swing Dance, originally uploaded by austinspace.

A funny thing happened on the way to my house, when, my workaholic buddy
Tom, approached me for a job. You know, I am handsome, romantic, homeboy, playboy and most all, very shy! Only, I have a hidden talent that nobody knows about it.

“Buddy, how are you?”

“Tom my friend, I think, I’m fine.”

“You want a job?”

“Yes! Of course my friend! ”

“Okay, next Friday evening, at 7:00 pm, you know the vacant building near the park?”


“We have a special occasion there, and you’re the – VIP – Guest of Honor!”

“Yeah, are you sure friend?”

“Yes, but wear formal attire, the best you’ve got, okay buddy?”

“Okay Boss!”

“Don’t forget, this is your chance to explore.”

“Explore what Boss?”

No reply coming from Tom. After a minute of silence, Tom speaks:

“One more thing, expect the unexpected.”

I intentionally arrive early at the vacant building to observe the place. I position myself at the back of the stage. I am expecting young beauties around to vie with my debonair-handsome-macho image! My other reason why I come early is to display, my ever dazzling two-breasted suit that I kept in my closet for a year now. Never been touch! Amazing, isn’t it?

Tom later arrives and greets me. He assures me that everything will be alright. He introduces me to his co-organizers, and leads me to my seat facing the stage, like I am the most special person on that night. Oh, wanna bet? All eyes are on me, I can feel it! Now, I know how it is to be seated in the Presidential table!
I ask Tom in a whisper,” Buddy, what’s my job here that you’re offering?”

Tom replied,” Relax, somebody will give you a pamphlet and you’ll see what it is, okay?”

Later, a lady assistant offers me a soda drink and event pamphlet, which I accept with a smile. Hesitantly, I read instantly the contents and to my surprise, my name is in the VIP guest, judge and an Emcee of the Night!

“My, my, Delilah! Yeahhh! What is this? How? ”

I called Tom to explain why? He smiled, and said, “Did I told you to, expect the unexpected? Do you want the job?

I am thinking about the sumptuous pay, so, “Yes, Tom”

“Wait for my instructions, okay?”, and left me in my seat wondering what to do?

Folks, readers, this is my first time to attend such gathering. I don’t even know how to judge in the contest. And, most of all, I don’t have the knowledge about emceeing. “Gosh! What is this! Help me, Lord!”

While waiting for the ceremony to start, I observe my vision, to wherever my eyes laid upon. My knees keep on wobbling under the table and my heart beats faster as 200 km per hour,2Fast 2Furious!

The vacant building was fully decorated with multicolored clothing materials, colored paper, banners, ribbons, and fiesta decors. At the center, the stage are built beautifully and lighted generously. There were spotlights everywhere; from ceiling, walls, entrance and dim lights at the backstage. The musicians are playing their music in louder course to attract people outside. The chairs in rows are consistently full until some guests are in standing position.

The band plays the national anthem, and starts the music ceremony of the night. I notice the four oldies contestants, all females, wearing voodoo-hoodoo-hippie costumes, giggling – very excited, I think, excited for what? Their attire speaks for their personality – Yaks! I am really expecting young beauties, but who’s here! Four over decorated oldies!

Afterward, Tom announces my name through the microphone. He gives a signal to come on-stage for presentation. I stand and walk towards the stage wobbling. He introduces me to the audience. Of course, as I expected, the audience clap their hands to a big applause, my first time of course! Tom left me alone in stage to do my job.

I clamp my two moist hands over the microphone, like holding my life into it. As I start to speak, the words juggled inside my throat that gives a falsetto note. Truly, I feel my bones and flesh are falling apart!

At last! My voice swerve into the mouthpiece of the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, good evening! Tonight, we are holding this benefit party for our dear oldies. They are good citizens who build our society into modernization. They are our heroes of today’s generation. This contest will benefit them to prolong their precious lives.” Amen…

Tom gives a signal to start the contest. So, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have four contestants vying for the grand prize! Our first contestant, the beautiful, never-changing, Miss Bumblebee! Give her round of applause, please!”

The audience loud applause makes the vacant building a bullfight arena. Others are shouting to the top of their voices. Youngster are giggling, poking, joking and laughing with nothing left for tomorrow.

Miss Bumblebee hurriedly positions herself on stage to display her prowess in dancing. She dances to the tune of Material Girl by Madonna. Oh! How I wish to, I mean, feel ashamed of her monotonous dancing steps, her make-up falling apart, and she’s like a gypsy of the night!

I look at the crowd, still everybody’s laughing continuously…

Miss Bumblebee finishes her stunt beautifully, Are you sure it’s a beautiful dance?

“Okay, thank you, thank you so much Miss Bumblebee, for your modern dance steps, and if ever, there’s a dance recruiter in the crowd, please recruit this lovely Miss Bumblebee! Applause please! Louder please!”

I stop for a minute, to think what’s good to convince this audience to be livelier than ever, non-stop. At this moment, I discover that I have a talent to make people laugh. Oww Come on! I spotted the next contestant at the backstage. She’s ready with her partner – an oldies wearing violet-colored-tight-fitted attire with over decorated bling-blings. Her make-up, ouchhhh! Her male partner, Uggghhh! Yaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!

“Okay! For our second contestant, I am proud to present to you, Miss Ultraviolet and partner! They’ll dance to the tune of Cha-cha-cha, rumba, and salsa!

Ultraviolet and partner position themselves to the center of the stage. They’re holding each other like King and Queen ready to waltz! Another thing, they’re like a piece of string bean and capsicum, ready to be sliced! Miss Ultraviolet turn to where I am standing, releasing a melodious-deadly-smile to captivate my handsomeness. Oh, my, my, Goshhhh! Whatalovelyelephantsmile!

The four oldies contestants rendered their talent prowess to the max and it’s the end of my journey. The crowds are buzzing in every corner of the building. Some children are playing, some are crying, and mostly of the adult audience are laughing. Oh, what a scene! And, they’re excited for the results!

Tom called me to give rating for each contestant. I hold Tom’s arm and drag him at the backstage.

“Tom my friend, what are you doing with my macho image, huh? You’re turning me into a laughing donkey here!”

“Friend, cool, okay? This is just training for you. You don’t have a job and you want to be in the movie, right? Why are you so cold Buddy?”

I push Tom with a smile and said,” Friend, VIP huh?”

“Give me the microphone, I will announce to the crowd that you are in the movie, and, you’ll dance with the four beautiful contestants.”

“Man, what?????? Are you joking right?”

“No man, go on!”

“Okay! Okay! Boss! ”

I dance with the contestants’ one after the other, and then, in group, to the tune of; cha-cha-cha, modern, ethnic, salsa, ballet, tango, boggie and you name it, I did on that night! What a night with the oldies!

After giving my full dancing stunts with the oldies, I sit down, tired, and exhausted. Tom offers me a can of beer while the four oldies contestants surrounding me in the table, giggling to the max!

I ask Tom about my greatest performance, but the four oldies answer in chorus, “You’re really our idol!”

“CUT WELL DONE! , shouted the movie director in the megaphone. Tomorrow’s schedule; same place and same time, okay guys?”

Note: We are on the location shooting of the comedy movie entitled: “New Generation Oldies”

Tom is the Casting Director and me? What’s my job? Guess what?

Readers, send me an email if you guess right, okay?


About FX777 Classified Articles

An online freelance writer.

2 responses »

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